Every one of us has a purpose in this world. Although societies may assign more importance to a brain surgeon over a garbage collector, it’s likely because they have never experienced the consequences we would face if no one picked up our trash. The world would be a mess, literally!
It got me thinking about how none of us feel like people truly “get” what we do. We often feel unappreciated which in turn deflates us. I believe most people struggle with this. From parents, teachers, friends & neighbors…it can feel as if we are swimming alone in a vast ocean while heading in the opposite direction. We do our best to be kind, thoughtful, generous, helpful, but feel that the people around us may not react in a manner we hope for.
I will use quilting as an example, since I recently completed my first quilt as a gift and have been sewing for several years.
People in the quilting world often express their disappointment when the quilt they worked long and hard on was received with very little enthusiasm and in some cases even discontent. Their quilts get tucked away in a closet or even used as pet blankets. Even though quilters are generally huge animal lovers, that’s still a horrifying thought (unless that’s what it was intended for).
Why do quilters quilt and what do they expect from the person they gift their quilts to (why & what are two of the 5 W’s we often ask ourselves)?
Quilters quilt for many reasons. These are a few that come to mind:
1) Comradrie
Quilters like to get together with each other to share stories and experiences.
2) Comfort
Quilters like to comfort those who are suffering to show their concern and support.
3) Causes
Quilters like to support charitable organizations that are in line with their values.
4) Expression
Quilters like to express their feelings through their work.
5) Gift Giving
Quilters like to send a lasting, one of a kind quilt that shows the recipient how much they are loved.
6) Art
Quilters like to be inspired by and express themselves through art.
7) Meditation
Quilters use the time to quiet their over active minds, relax and unwind.
8) Learning
Quilters are life long learners. They are always seeking new ways of doing things and experimenting with techniques to enhance their skills.
Let’s focus our attention on the gift giving aspect of quilting.
When a person receives a quilt, they may ask themselves…
Why did _____ bother to make this quilt for me? I could have bought one that suited my style and decor for much less at a big box store. I could have spared you the time and money. I don’t need another “blanket”!
While on the surface this may be true, the reason the person labored to make the quilt is simple. They needed to create something to show you how special you are to them. They hope you will think of them whenever you use it. It’s a one of a kind bond that they chose to share with you. When someone sets out to make a quilt, they do it with you in mind through every step…from selecting the theme, fabric, colors, design, thread, backing, batting, binding, etc. A ton of labor goes into making one. They press, pin, baste, cut, fold and stitch while thinking of you. To put things in perspective (depending on the complexity of course), it can take an average of 28 hours to make a twin size quilt. When it’s time to hand it over, they imagine you snuggling with it in front of a fire with a good book or watching your favorite show with it. They hope that it wraps you with a big hug and keeps you safe and warm. It’s a mental journey of sorts that they underwent with you. They are handing it to your care wishing that you will cherish it and enjoy it for years to come. It’s their way of expressing themselves through unspoken words.
What then does a quilter who gives the gift of their time, money and love seek?
What we all seek…
*Gratitude
*Appreciation
*Understanding
If the quilter missed the mark on the design (despite their good intentions), just remember how special you must be for them to have taken all this effort to make one for you.
This principle applies to all of us. We give so much of ourselves to others with no expectations. When people don’t seem to understand us, we may get discouraged and even bitter.
We ask questions like…
Why do they expect me to work for so little or nothing at all?
Why didn’t they even bother to thank me?
Why don’t they take the time to say something nice or even respond?
Why do them seem so selfish and inconsiderate?
Why don’t them seem to care as much as I do?
Here’s the thing. Life is hectic and people are indeed very absorbed with their day to day lives.
That said, rather than concern ourselves with what they will do or think, we need to focus on our own intentions. It’s not the things we can’t control that matter. What matters is that we did something nice for someone and put some good into the world. How people react is of no consequence. After your work is done it’s out of your hands. When your work is passed on, it’s completely up to the recipient to decide what to do with it. If the outcome isn’t what you expected, don’t let that discourage you.
If what we seek (gratitude, appreciation, understanding) truly matters, there is something we can do. We can include information that helps others see what we see. We can take them along in our journey. In the case of the quilter they can include a photo of themselves making the quilt, they can include a little history about how the quilt was made, they can share a story of how they though of the person, they can even include how to care for the quilt and it’s intended use and maybe even insert a handmade tag with a humorous message like…Made with love + a few *@?! words!
Yes, we are likely unmotivated to do more of what we do when people don’t seem to understand how much effort goes into our work. However, that should never stop us. We should instead help them see things differently. They are likely not being inconsiderate on purpose. They are simply uninformed.
So the next time you feel like people don’t “get” you, ask yourself what you can do to change that.